Q: I don’t even know where to begin.
A: Use your words. One at a time.
Q: That — movie — was — infuriating!
A: I’m sensing you feel strongly about this.
Q: Yes I feel strongly about this! How dare it decode its own symbols at the end, nailing them down to one idiotic interpretation? Did the filmmakers not trust the images to convey any meaning, or did they not trust us to open our eyes?
A: Good, that’s right, let it all out.
Q: And why did the movie claim it would make us “believe in God,” then define God as a psychological defense mechanism? They should have deleted every sentence with the word “God,” and every mention of religion.
A: Feel better yet?
Q: No! They also should have cut that whole stupid “framing” story. It broke the spell the animals created; it made no sense (if Pi was really dissociating, would he have changed his tune so fast just because he had confused some guys from a shipping company?); and it gave away up front that Pi survives. Suspense, schmuspense. Start on the boat and end on the beach, period. Ok. Now I feel better.
A: Then you might be interested to hear there’s a new —
Q: Except I wanted to wring the neck of that simpering writer character, slinking in to steal somebody else’s story like that. I wanted to feed him to the tiger. Grrr.
A: For heaven’s sake, get a grip! Have you seen the —
Q: But I could have loved this movie! It was so close!
A: Enough! It happens! Deal with it! It’s time to move on and watch this, if you can stop yammering for a minute and a half: